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Core-Led Confidence

leadership wellbeing Sep 16, 2022

As we know core-led women do 3 things:

They know who they are deeply at the core

They set and maintain boundaries 

They take time for themselves 

In doing these 3 things they are empowered individuals and they empower those around them. Core-led women role model empowerment for themselves and others. In doing this we can change the world and the world of work. 

I am committed and passionate about creating a core-led woman revolution, where we will be ditching frameworks and coming out as our true core-led selves. 

I sat down at the weekend to do my annual reflections and my goal setting for next year. I feel really excited about everything I want to achieve over the next 12 months. But I also noticed that my confidence levels have increased and I have a lot less feeling of fear and apprehension. So I thought, does that mean my goals aren’t big enough? But I know from my core that these goals feel right. 

Back in 2014 when I was 33 I attended a women in leadership event and met some incredible women. In one of the breakout sessions there was a woman talking about confidence. She was over 50 and she recognised in her friends, family and in herself that something clicks when women get to 50. Our confidence levels skyrocket. We explored this with her at the time and I said I don’t want to wait 17 years until I felt more confident. So how do I become more confident now?

There’s many people who say ‘fake it till you make it’ and I tried that but it didn’t feel right for me. But over the last few years and from a personal development perspective, I’m learning new things everyday and testing taking myself out of my comfort zone. 

I recognised this more so when I hosted my annual Power Up Event this year, and one of the activities we did is all about taking you to the point of discomfort and moving you through it to feel the confidence, the release and finally empowerment. I think for a lot of us we feel confident about something, like our goals, but then we need to keep those confidence levels going in all of the actions needed to achieve them. 

Of course you may experience some fear, worry and confidence dips, but you need to be prepared to do what you need to do in order to achieve your goals. Knowing it’s ok to have these little blips along the way, as long as they don't stop you and you keep going anyway.

Perhaps when I get to 50 I’ll think wow this is really what confidence feels like, but I notice with every new week and new year, I’m able to move forward in a very different way. 

When I turned 40 during the pandemic I felt like this was such a milestone birthday that I needed to make some big changes. And intrinsically there was something in me that was saying whatever has been holding you back to this point, it’s now time to let that shit go. I’ve always been a high achiever and worked at a fast pace, but at the same time it doesn’t mean I didn't have moments of doubt. There’s probably thousands of things I would have done if I’d been more confident at that moment. 

There’s no right or wrong, but I think we all get to a point where we realise we do only have a finite amount of time. So if it’s our confidence that’s holding us back, we need to work on that to be able to move forward. 

A lack of confidence is an excuse not to do something. 

There will always be an underlying reason for this lack of confidence, but the quicker we can get to the bottom of what’s causing it, the faster we can get over it and progress. 

I’m not holding myself back anymore. 

I’m always reflecting on what it is that causes us to start to doubt ourselves and stops us from taking those risks. I look at my young nieces who are 3 and 6 and they are fearless. Whatever it is they want to do, they do it. They don’t just do it half-heartedly, they just don’t care what others think of them and they do it effortlessly, fearlessly, unapologetically. We all must have had that in us at some point and then we lose it and have to re-learn to be confident. 

I bought my niece roller skates for her birthday and when I bought them it was because I used to love roller skating and thought she would love it too. My other niece saw them and wanted some too. Both are now loving roller skating and just going for it. Seeing them do this really brought up this urge for me to get some roller skates again and I came up with all the excuses of why I shouldn’t and couldn’t get them. In the last 22 years I’ve only been on skates a few times. I taught my sons to skate and whilst teaching them one day I put my skates on and I was going round the skate rink and I felt amazing. So I stopped with the excuses and now I have new roller skates and can’t wait to get out on them. 

I just don’t want to give a shit anymore about the potential perceptions of other people. 

As part of my ongoing confidence building, skating is going to be a huge part of that. 

When it comes to a lack of confidence, how often do we hold ourselves back because of the fear of what others might say to us?

The voice in my head that tells me I can’t do things, I know who that voice belongs to… It's not my voice. That voice and person has helped me get to a certain point, but their negativity, their self-doubt and their lack of confidence is what held me back for so long. 

From a core-led perspective I know I can do whatever it is I put my mind to. 

When I hear myself say that, I then think does that sound too arrogant, too over confident? But that’s not my voice and I don’t want to listen to it anymore. 

The quicker we can acknowledge those voices, the quicker we can move forward. 

I want you to pay attention to this and tell yourself that you are enough. You are confident enough. You can do anything you want. 

What are your goals for the rest of this year and the next 12 months, or next 5 years even? 

Do you still want to be in the same company, doing the same job?

Do you want to still live in the same country?

Do you still want to be running the same company?

Pay attention to the triggers that affect your confidence and remember that core-led confidence comes from within you. That intuitive part of you that says ‘I am good enough’ 

That’s the part I want you to start leading from, because that’s the part that tells me to get out on my bloody roller skates. 

When I hear; being confident is arrogance, that’s not my internal voice telling me that, it’s an external one. The quicker we learn to tap into that core-led part of us, the quicker we just become more confident in ourselves and the quicker we collectively create the core-led woman revolution. 

I want to be living and leading from my core and ensuring that comes with increased confidence, boundaries and time for myself and I want the same for you too. 

Think of a goal and if intuitively it feels right, give yourself the permission to be confident enough to do it. I’m not talking about eradicating fear altogether, I think fear in a lot of ways has a purpose. But be confident enough to keep going, no matter if you fail or fall, you’ll keep going until you get it. 

It doesn’t matter what others think of you, it matters what you think of yourself. 

It doesn’t matter if people are trying to hold you back, because you are driving yourself forward. 

It doesn’t matter about those external voices because your internal voices are telling you you’re doing the right thing. 

Pay attention to the voices that are telling you no, to where your confidence is dropping and even where you feel most confident. 

Kelly
 
In 2013 Kelly had a successful leadership career, yet she was burned out, exhausted, and missing out on life with family. Determined to enjoy the success that she had earned, she's learned to create a life of balance and boundaries that is also highly successful. Today at kellyswingler.com, Kelly helps women leaders all over the world to prevent and recover from burnout without giving up their career or jeopardising their wellbeing.
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