Mind The Gap
May 27, 2022
This is the title of my next book which is launching in July and available on my website for pre-sale very soon. Very soon it’s going to transform from words on a page to an actual real life book and the feeling of seeing and holding months of your work in book form, is something I never tire of.
Mind the gap is the journey from balance to burnout and back again, my experiences and my journey in recognising that the gap between health and burnout, isn't always a big one. And if we're not doing what we need to do, we can fall through the crack quite easily.
Core-led living is what got me out of burnout. I had created this gap between the true me, (who I am at my core) and the façade version of me that was trying to live in a way that suited everybody else.
I was going after everyone else's level of success.
I was trying to fit into these leadership boxes that were just not me.
I was living in a way that wasn’t aligned to who I am at the core.
This book really highlights how the gap between where we are today and burnout, may not be as big as we think it is.
We have fallen through the gap and we are done! For some of us we can jump out of that gap quite quickly and for others it can take a long time to firstly acknowledge that we have fallen and secondly to start to take that step back up.
Mind the Gap is the 5th book I have written and this one has been one of the hardest to write. Unlike others I have done where I have been asked to write them and given a format to follow, this one feels more personal and no one has asked me to write it. I just thought of the message I needed to share and as a result of this, it has been much, much harder, especially with the deadlines I have set myself and trying to make it come to life.
I made the decision to go it alone and self publish this book. I was originally working with a publisher, but we couldn't agree about the marketing campaign, the design of the cover etc. So I’m going it alone and it’s all on me!
I’ve now got the framework for my next 2 books; one of them is Core-Led Women and is kind of like a guidebook (with an accompanying journal) to being a core-led woman and living a core-led life and I’m so excited for this one. I’ve been so desperate to get the Core-led book out, but I know that this book; Mind the Gap, is the prequel to the Core-led book. This is because it’s the journey of how I got involved in the core-led journey. I wrote Mind the Gap because it was like I needed closure on some of the things I experienced before, during and after my burnout. I needed to close that chapter of burnout in order to then be able to stand up and proudly say; ‘and now this is the core-led stuff you need to know’.
During the writing I experienced apprehension, procrastination and fear and that’s because I really wanted closure and it felt like I was really writing this for ME. This book will absolutely help other people, but because of the drive to close this chapter, I know I can then proudly talk about how the core-led living and leading is a result of that.
With my original publisher, we were so close to signing a contract for 5 books, but they wanted to be in charge of all the marketing. But me being me, I was like if I want to give a talk on the book, or give it away to 100 people, that’s what I’m going to do. I felt like I was losing control of it, which I found very difficult. They also wouldn’t let my designer design the front cover. A designer who I have been working with for over a year and who knows what I think, how I work and what I like and I didn't want someone to create something that didn’t feel like me. So that’s why I made the decision to self publish.
I realised that just because I am doing all of this alone, it’s not actually all on me. This is because when we put our work out into the world, it can be really easy to fall in love with all of the positive reviews and comments, but yet when we get bad feedback, it is that that we focus on the most. As a result of the negative stuff, we tend to think that we have failed and we must be awful at what we do- not true!. I love creating and writing and yes of course I would love to write a best-selling book and be listed on the best selling list, but I write for me, but also in the hope that it will help somebody else.
If other people hate it, that’s ok too, because what I have come to realise is that I have absolutely no control over what someone else is going to think and say about my work. That applies to everything I do; if I’m delivering a talk, if I post a blog, when I publish a podcast episode, or delivering a workshop or programme- I have no control over what someone will think of it. That’s true for everything.
Once what I write, do or say is out in the world; it’s now out of my hands.
I do everything from a core-led place, with the best intentions and to help others and I know that I won’t be for everybody and that's OK.
I get some wonderful feedback about my podcast, but I have also had some horrible feedback; people saying “you don’t know what you’re talking about, you have no right to say this, I don’t know who you think you are”... I could choose to dwell on those comments or I can choose to keep on doing what I’m doing.
I know a lot of women in my community who are stopping themselves from doing what they want to do, because they are worried about bad press, negative feedback or other people’s comments. I get it, I’ve been there, but the issue is not the views of others, it’s a block you are creating for yourself. Perhaps it’s from something from your past, perhaps it’s you overthinking, whatever it is, you are definitely not doing it from being aligned to your core.
If you are aligned to your core, you would do it anyway.
We cannot please everyone, that’s the way of the world.
I love Apple products. I have an Apple watch, phone, tv, iPad, air pods, MacBook etc- I’m Apple’d out. But I know other people who absolutely hate Apple. But do the haters stop Apple from making their products? Nope!
I love Tesla cars, I love Brene Brown, I love Oprah, I love yoga, I love meditation, I love writing and yet I know many people who hate all of those things.
It doesn’t matter what some people think of you and what you do. Don’t let them stop you from being you and doing what you want to do. If you really believe in something and it’s coming from a core-led place, then do it!
Let the haters hate and let the followers follow.
The more women who follow their hearts and dreams, the more we encourage other women, our families, our teams, our friends and our community to do the same.
If there’s a gap between the knowing you need to do something and you taking the action, what’s going to happen? If you are worried you are going to fall down the hole, where are you currently out of alignment?
We all feel worried about taking a leap of faith and the next step, but when we are core-led, there’s no stopping us. We recognise we are doing that thing for the right reason and for a bigger purpose. You can create change and ripples.
So if there is a gap, or a barrier, or a block that is stopping you from being where you are to where you need to be, then find a way of closing that gap!
Kelly
In 2013 Kelly had a successful leadership career, yet she was burned out, exhausted, and missing out on life with family. Determined to enjoy the success that she had earned, she's learned to create a life of balance and boundaries that is also highly successful. Today at kellyswingler.com, Kelly helps women leaders all over the world to prevent and recover from burnout without giving up their career or jeopardising their wellbeing.
