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Power-FULL Boundaries

burnout wellbeing Nov 29, 2022

One of the first things I usually find myself working with my clients on, is setting and maintaining boundaries, because without boundaries, the people-pleasing, guilt, frustration and stress continues to grow, and we know that these things can lead to burnout.

POWER-FULL Boundaries are a promise to yourself and others where you clearly state what you will do, and won’t do, in a given situation.  The purpose of setting POWER-FULL Boundaries is to set reasonable limits, protect your energy, your sanity and your time, so that you feel more calm, more in control and much more stress-LESS.  POWER-FULL boundaries help you to become rich in time, energy, calm, and joy, BUT, you have to actually maintain them and enforce them in order for them to work!

Many of the clients that I work with say they struggle with implementing boundaries because they hate saying no to people, the trouble is, you’re already saying no, to yourself, ALL. OF. THE. TIME.

Many clients also assume that boundaries are about controlling others, and that’s not the case.  If you’ve heard me talk before about the circles of control you’ll know that you can only control you; your thoughts, actions and interactions. 

Boundaries help you to be more in control of you!

When I talk about boundaries, I am really talking about power, your power and reclaiming your power.  And in this blog I’ve included some Power-Full boundary examples to help you start to create changes, implement boundaries and reclaim YOUR power, because if nobody told you, YOU are a power-full being.  And when you realise that you have all of the power you need, within you, and that you can use your own power to create boundaries for yourself, you can start to invest in you, take time for you and create and build whatever you want, your way.

We must stop giving away our power.  To our partners, spouses, bosses, friends, family, and yes, even to our children!  When we continue to allow other people’s desires to take priority over our own, it creates a situation like the one we have today where many of us have no idea what we really want because we're always meeting and fulfilling the needs of others.

What are you currently tolerating in your life that is causing your issues?  What are you tolerating at home? What are you tolerating at work? And how could boundaries help you?

STOP giving your power to others, and maintain your boundaries.

Below, you’ll find examples of powerless boundaries, and POWER-FULL boundaries to help you see what you might be doing, and how to shift your mindset and your actions for the better. 

 

          Power-less Boundaries

 

         POWER-FULL Boundaries

You tell your colleagues, boss and family, that you don’t check your emails after 6pm, but you are ALWAYS checking your emails in the evening, pulling your time away from your family time, TV time, reading time, whatever it is that you want to do in the evening time, and you often reply to emails right up to bedtime, and even sometimes from your bed.

You do not log into your work email, or even ‘quickly check’ the app, after 6pm on weekdays.  NOT EVER.  You’ve clearly communicated this to everyone who needs to know and you don’t break your boundaries for anyone.

You have one team member is always late for work and missing deadlines, but when they’re at work they are amazing, focused and deliver to a really high standard.  You hint at the lateness, but you don’t talk about it clearly, or take any action, and for the past couple of weeks you’ve been working extra hours to cover for them to make sure this deadline isn’t missed.

Your team member isn’t meeting your standards. You immediately have the conversation with them about deadlines and showing up on time, setting expectations and outlining what needs to change if things are going to work out.  You’re understanding and ask them about issues, to which they say there are none. So you manage their performance and if things don’t work out, you exit effectively through the appropriate channels.

Your boss keeps presenting your hard work and ideas at the Board meeting, because they are meetings you don’t need to be at, and whenever you speak to any of the Board about the ideas you always hear they loved your bosses idea and are pleased that it's going ahead.  You don’t mind not getting the recognition as long as the ideas are implemented that’s all that matters.

You speak to your boss and insist that your projects and ideas will be presented by you at future Board meetings because you want the exposure, want to hear their immediate feedback, and you deserve the recognition.  It will save you both time beforehand in you having to brief them on everything in advance, giving you both a couple of hours in your diary, and it will be great for your career progression.

You tell your family that you have to focus on work during your working hours but when they are all home, they interrupt you repeatedly.  You lose your focus constantly and you let the interruptions and conversations continue.

You tell your family that you have to focus on work during your working hours and that you are not to be interrupted except in an emergency, which you define clearly.  You work in your office with the door closed, there are no or very few interruptions and you finish work early because you’ve been so focused and can now give your family your full attention.

 

 

You tell your friend that you can’t make drinks this Friday because you have a really big week ahead of you and you just want to be able to have a bath, read a book and get an early night so you’re not exhausted all weekend. She shows up at your house anyway because she needs a good night, and you end up getting ready and heading out because she needs a laugh.

You tell your friend that you can’t make drinks this Friday and that you’re looking forward to seeing her the following Friday where you can meet earlier and have dinner beforehand because you know you’ll have a lot to catch up on.

You’ve decided that now is the perfect time to prioritise your health.  Mornings are difficult but three nights a week, after work you’ll go to the gym for that exciting new class you’ve been thinking about for AGES.

On night one your boss asks you to stay late, and you do.  On your second attempt your partner calls and says they’ve had a really bad day, can you go for drinks instead straight after work.  And on your third attempt you decide there’s no point because something else will come up.

You’ve decided that now is the perfect time to prioritise your health and you’ve booked three classes at the gym for a really exciting new class. Your boss asks you to stay late, you tell them you can’t tonight and head out the door.  Your partner asks you to skip the next class and meet for drinks and you let them know you’ll meet them after your class.  And after you first three classes you feel INCREDIBLE and can’t wait for next week.

Your family member asks to borrow money from you again, which they always promise to give back, and don’t.  You don’t want to do it again, but you say yes.  They don’t pay you back again.  You’re irritated and angry, but you say nothing to them.

Your family member asks to borrow money.  You’re not comfortable lending them money, so you say no.

You continue to share your exciting ideas with people who either don’t understand them or who steal them from you and pass them off as your own.  So you either don’t take action, or you give others the credit.  You decide the good ideas get the go ahead so it doesn’t matter if it’s not you that gets the credit.

You have a select group of people that you share your ideas with who give you support and honesty.  You know that you can talk to them about anything, and that you do the same for them.  They are excited by your ideas, you keep them updated, and you get the credit when it all goes to plan.

You keep asking your family to help more around the house, with all of the chores.  You’ve even put names next to tasks and stuck in on the wall, but you always end up doing it all because nobody does, and then you tally up the tasks in your head and start ignoring everyone.

 

 

You have a task list at home outlining who is responsible for helping with what around the house on each day of the week.  Everything gets completed when it should, not always with a smile but you can live with that.

   

In the last three leadership meetings you’ve been interrupted abruptly, by your colleagues, each time you’ve tried to speak. Nobody else has mentioned it, and you think you might be overthinking it.  In the next meeting you decide to stay quiet until you’re asked at the end of the meeting if you’d like to add anything.

You’re interrupted rather abruptly each time you speak in the leadership meeting today.  On the third time, you ask if your colleagues think it’s acceptable to listen to what everyone has to say but continue to interrupt you.  You provide the two earlier examples and say you would like to be heard.  You get your point across and one of your ideas is taken forward.

You were offered a promotion, to a new role, with a great salary, and a lot of extra responsibility that would mean you’d also be able to recruit an assistant.  It’s been six months and whilst you’re doing the role, you’re still waiting for the salary increase and the assistant whilst the ‘budgets get approved’.  You’re grateful for the opportunity and say nothing else about it.

You were offered a promotion, to a new role, with a great salary, and a lot of extra responsibility that would mean you’d also be able to recruit an assistant.  You agree a start date, sign your contract amendment outlining your new salary and benefits and you get recruiters working on the role for your assistant.

You’ve seen too many colleagues, family and friends be insulted, ignored and shunned when they’ve spoken up and done the right thing, so you’ve decided that the best thing to do is stay quiet and not rock the boat.  You just want a quiet life and to get on with your securing your next promotion.

You do the right thing over what’s easy, always, because you know that staying quiet does not help progress.

You know that the ‘powerful women are all bitches’ narrative is complete and utter BS that keeps women quiet, people pleasing and not implementing boundaries. Yet you still consume the narrative through media, social media, people in your circle and so on and it leave you feeling guilty about your ambition, boundaries and subconsciously sabotaging your success.

You question every narrative that diverts your time, energy and attention away from your goals. Who said it and why?  What’s the lesson from it?  How can I change it? You educate yourself and others around you and you continue to set your boundaries, create success on your own terms, and live as a core-led, power-full, empowered woman

 Any of these look and sound familiar to you?

Do you sit more in the Power-less or the POWER-FULL category?

What needs to change in order for you to create boundaries?

What are you afraid you'll lose by implementing boundaries?

What are you afraid you'll gain by implementing boundaries?

It's time for change, what are you going to do to make it happen?

Kelly

P.S If you don't know where to start with setting your boundaries and you need some support, click here to book an introductory call.

P.P.S Have you accessed my FREEbies to help you stress-LESS for success?  You can access them here

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