It’s impossible for us to be ego driven when we are being core-led.
When we are core-led we can easily spot the people that are living and leading from a place of total bulls**t. We can spot them a mile off and those who think they are amazing and successful are usually leading from a place of ego and arrogance instead.
One of the things I hear women say when I talk about stepping up, speaking up, being more confident and living and leading more from their core, is that they don’t want to do that because they are worried people will think they have a big ego and their confidence will come across as arrogance. We do see some of this arrogance in our organisations, in our communities and on social media etc, but normally our worries are just that and they don’t actually happen, especially when you are coming from a core-led place.
Definition of Ego; I or self of any person. A person who is thinking, feeling and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.
Ego is where we see ourselves as separate and I don’t think that’s a natural trait or way of thinking for most women. When I think back to the toxic women I have worked for and with, I think they acted in that way because they have been taught and conditioned to believe that success looks a certain way and to reach the top you have to trample on people to get there. Sadly they have been taught to lead from this patriarchal leadership model that was encouraging them to lead from a place of ego. They only thought of themselves and to get to the top they would climb over and on top of anybody.
Just because someone is in a leadership position, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are a leader.
For me a leader encompasses everybody and sees the bigger picture. That is where there is no ego.
A woo woo definition of Ego- comes from Dr Wayne Dyer. I am fascinated with his work and book ‘The Shift’ and I highly recommend it. He describes ego as EGO- Edge God Out. Regardless of your views on spirituality or religion, what he is really talking about is the connection and the fact that we recognise that we are all connected and we can create a ripple effect. For example if one person is a good leader, they can encourage others to be the same. His definition of Edge God out is stepping away from our true selves. If we live from a place of faith, (which for me is being core-led) and we edge God out of that (which for me is stepping away from being core-led) then we get to that place of ego.
As I rise and pave my own path, I bring others along on that journey with me.
It’s not all about my work and my success, it’s about the greater good of what happens when I live and lead from our core and encourage others to live and lead the same way.
I’ve had a few conversations with my coaches recently and they say I need to talk about my achievements and successes more, but I very rarely share it with anybody because I don’t want to come across as arrogant or having a big ego. Sometimes I have to give myself a talking to and practice what I preach and I know that as long as I am living and leading from my core, I cannot be arrogant. If I choose to step away from my core there is a danger that I can then live from a place of ego. But if I choose to live and lead from my core, then I will be open to collaboration, seeing the bigger picture and create ripples and I cannot be egotistical.
When I was working in HR I saw so many women struggle to talk about their own achievements during the recruitment process. They’d always say ‘we did this in a project’ not ‘I did this in a project’. Women tend to struggle with this because we know that a project is a team effort and everyone played a part in its success. But what the interviewer is looking for is YOUR part to make it happen and make it a success. They want to recruit you, not your team.
With my promotions throughout my career, I know I wouldn’t have got them if my whole team wasn’t performing well. If my team were terrible, then I wouldn’t have got those promotions and I credit my team to my successes. They played a big part but interviewers don’t want to hear how amazing my team is, they want to hear how amazing I am.
If I had worked in an ego or arrogant way, I doubt my team would have performed well and I wouldn’t have gotten those promotions. Everything is connected.
If you’re doubting yourself and worried about sharing your successes or being confident for fear that you will be perceived as egotistical or arrogant- DON’T.
Being core-led and being driven by ego cannot coexist.
You choose which one you want to be connected with.
If I rise everybody else rises too.
In 2013 Kelly had a successful leadership career, yet she was burned out, exhausted, and missing out on life with family.
Determined to enjoy the success that she had earned, she's learned to create a life of balance and boundaries that is also highly successful. Today at kellyswingler.com, Kelly helps women leaders all over the world to prevent and recover from burnout without giving up their career or jeopardising their wellbeing.