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Does Coaching Always Help?

Uncategorized Jun 28, 2020
I'll always say that coaching can help, and I believe it can help anyone, but I think there are some caveats to this. Two of the coaches I've worked with over the years didn't help me, at all. These two coaches had been given to me by my CEO's as coaches that 'work with all of our leaders', but the relationships weren't the right fit for me.
 
Firstly, the coaching relationship must be a good fit if coaching is going to help. And this doesn't mean that your coach has to be your new best friend, but it helps if you can trust them, feel that they will give you the right amount of stretch, support and challenge and that they get you.
 
Many companies fall into the trap of assigning the same coach to everyone, someone they've worked with for years and who might be offended if someone else was brought it, but if the relationship isn't right, the coaching isn't going to help. Whenever I've been asked to work with whole teams, I still always insist on discovery calls...
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"I Am Enough"

Uncategorized Jun 23, 2020
An extremely high performing client and I were speaking this morning about everything they would like to achieve. When we started our coaching relationship a few weeks ago, they had come to me to develop better time management, we quickly knew that time wasn't the issue and they've been making great progress.
 
Today we talked about their competitive nature, where this has stemmed from and how they feel currently now they aren't in competition with others as they were through school and education. They are highly respected in their field and get great feedback from everyone they work with, but they no longer feel they are achieving and are beating themselves up daily and feeling like a failure.
 
The reality is there is no failing, but what's missing is the validity of grades and scores and tick boxes that demonstrate a job well done. The praise isn't as forthcoming as it used to be but when asked for and when received it's always glowing.
 
What we...
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Try vs Do

Uncategorized Jun 23, 2020
A few months ago I experienced my first 'nothingness' in a meditation and it felt amazing, yet since then I've found myself trying to recreate the moment and failing, until last Thursday. I've been practising meditation now for years and this 'nothingness' is what the teachers and text books will tell you is the thing to aspire to with meditation, but for now, just focusing on your breath is enough to start with.
 
And so I've found myself for years trying to find nothingness and thinking I was there with it, until I realised I wasn't. The first time I found this complete silence and stillness I felt elated, and it's taken several months to get back to it. And on Thursday night when it happened again, I realised that the difference was that I totally let go. I stopped trying, and in stopping the trying, it happened again.
 
That same evening as my partner and I lay in bed I asked him what time he would be home the following day, he leaves at 4am so we don't see...
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Start Your Day Right

Uncategorized Jun 14, 2020
For years my morning routine, well there was no routine. I'd wake, get ready, sort my sons ready for school, leave the house in a rush, get stuck in traffic, arrive at work frazzled and the rest of the day would pretty much follow in the same way.
 
As my sons got older the mornings got a little easier, but I'd fool myself into thinking I had more time, I didn't, and so I'd still leave the house and get to work frazzled.
 
It was when I started commuting to London that I started my morning yoga routine, nothing major, just a lovely 20 minute routine that I'd do straight off of bed before jumping in the shower and then leaving the house ready to catch my train. At this point, I wasn't the one getting my sons up and out so all I had to do was make sure I was on the 7:20 train each morning, and I never missed it - I do remember many mornings stood on the platform cursing the train delays and wishing I'd have an extra 20 minutes or more in bed catching up on sleep.
...
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Self-Care

Uncategorized Jun 12, 2020
As another week draws to an end, the conversations I've had with HR leaders have been mixed, but one theme remains, none of them are doing enough (or anything at all) for themselves.
 
Self-care isn't all about yoga and the latest diet or a long soak in the bath, although if that works for you then please don't let me stop you. My daily non-negotiable include morning yoga, journalling, visualisation and meditation along with lots of water throughout the day, a walk with the dog and then my evening routine of no tech, a book and more yoga and meditation. For others it's weights or running, for some it's doing something creative, dancing round the house with kids or chilling with Netflix and chocolate.
 
But it's also important to remember that self-care isn't just tasks or time out. It's the way we speak to ourselves, our self-talk, our relationships and the environments we put ourselves in.
 
It breaks my heart to hear of more and more HR leaders who...
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Hi, I'm Kelly

Getting to know someone can vary depending on the situation, the time you have and the environment you're in, but I guess if you're looking for a coach, and you've found your way here, the first thing you may want to know is why you'd even consider working with me? What makes me different to all of the other coaches out there? What skills do I have? And can I really help you with the particular thing you want help with?
 
I've worked in HR for over 20 years, latterly as an HR Director before starting my first company The Chrysalis Crew. I love HR. I hate the politics that often surround it. I've never really 'fitted' always too much of something in one way or another. Too colourful, too bold, too outspoken, too intuitive, too confident, too fast, too visionary, too blunt, too feisty, too confrontational, too argumentative, too bossy, you get the picture. But, I was always, always good at my role. I needed to learn a new things of course, I needed to adapt more, and I...
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Who Are You?

Uncategorized Jun 03, 2020
During the first day of my coaching qualification I was asked repeatedly 'who are you?' by other trainees on my course. And when I say repeatedly, I mean for an hour, by several people who took it in turn for 10 minutes at a time.
 
We weren't allowed to repeat anything we said before, we had to answer something differently every time we answered. It felt uncomfortable, it was hard, and yet the more I answered the more I found myself answering things at a deeper and deeper level. When you move past the superficial layers of name, age, occupation, kids, and interests, you start to get into the really meaty stuff, and, as I discovered, you get to things that you didn't even know existed.
 
It was during this question that I found myself say for the first time ever that I wanted to start my own consultancy - where on earth had that come from?
 
I'd always seen myself just developing further and further into an HR role. I'd seen myself as global HRD in a...
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Hindsight, Insight, Foresight

Uncategorized Jun 01, 2020
Hindsight can be a wonderful thing can't it?
 
In hindsight I should have left that relationship sooner.
 
In hindsight I should have left that company sooner.
 
In hindsight I should have put myself first sooner.
 
In hindsight I should have got help sooner.
 
In hindsight I shouldn't have spent so much whilst I was away.
 
In hindsight I shouldn't have reacted the way I did.
 
The trouble with hindsight though, is that it always comes after the event or situation and not before, so we need to have had whatever it was that happened, happen, before we can learn from it and ensure we don't do the same thing again.
 
And so we come to insight. The opportunities for high leverage. Getting the help, working with coach, knowing what we want to do differently next time, knowing what we'll change and how we'll change it. And I believe all of us have the answers we need, sometimes we just some help in framing and...
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Anxious

Uncategorized May 23, 2020
Some of you will know that I live with Bipolar, anxiety and depression and that I can feel up and down, anxious and depressed, calm and manic simultaneously. My head is not always a nice place to be. But within all of this is where I can harness my creativity and my passion and live a lovely life and lead a great team and work with incredible clients. But it's not always pretty inside of my head or in the feelings that can at times take over my body.
 
I have a routine, daily actions and practices that for the most part allow me to function fully, yet like many of you, my routine over recent weeks has been thrown in the air and so to it have my moments of calm.
 
For most of the last three weeks I have woken with overwhelming anxiety, and I've breathed through it, and I've made a plan and I've allowed myself to feel what I need to feel and take actions to help myself and others.
 
Add to my mental state the fact that I'm an empath and an introvert, the...
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When/Then

Uncategorized May 23, 2020
Over the last week I’ve seen an increase in posts about ‘when this is all over, then …’, and I’ve added a few of these myself, like the first people I’ll see, the trips I’ll take, even what I’m looking forward to on my first visit back at the gym.  And whilst it’s lovely to think of all the things that we can do when lockdown finishes, we should let this stop us from focusing on what we can do now to make a difference.
 
Now this isn’t a post about how you should be writing a novel, losing half of your body weight, learning to play an instrument, learn a language or paint a masterpiece, unless of course any of those things are what you want to do rather than feeling you have to do them.  I think the most important thing we can do at the moment is just to be kind to ourselves.
But, for the HR Community, there are things we can start doing and conversations that we can start having now, so...
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